Recently I have had a lot happen that effected my life drastically. After my great aunt's death in November of 2011, her sister, Deanie, started deteriorating. She died recently and that was devastating for my family since she was such a major factor in our lives. Not too long after my cousin got in a motorcycle accident and was in ICU for 25 days. They were unsure of his chance of recovery until last week. Now he has been moved to CCU. The emotional turmoil has been overwhelming at times and I didn't have the friend to lean on that I normally do. For some reason we have been drifting apart.
Let's call my friend Liz for simplicity. Liz recently went through an emotional roller coaster. She found out she was pregnant (too young, immature and poor) and was worried about the impact that would have on her life. We researched adoption options, cost of keeping and raising a child and, much to my chagrin, we even researched abortion. Unfortunately she lost the baby. Not long after Liz's parents came into quite a bit of money and she is enjoying the benefits that come along with that. Roller coaster, right?
I was happy for her, was, originally. Now I am a little upset at her behavior. I won't say that I wouldn't be relishing the luxury either but I hope that I would be considerate of other people's situations at the same time.
Now that that little bit of background is established I can describe her latest escapade. She called me up last week, upset because I had left our house earlier than anticipated. I explained that I was uncomfortable with her strange silence and she went off. She informed me that I was a terrible friend, I was "stuck up my boyfriends butt" and that she was worried about me. Now I can appreciate her concern but her logic was a little skewed. Her reasons for calling me a terrible friend:
1. When she was going through her miscarriage I wasn't there for her. No I was at the hospital with my great aunt as she was dying. We agreed that was okay.
2. When she and her boyfriend fought right after the loss I wasn't there for her to talk to. Last time I checked I had a working cell phone, and I was at a funeral. For Deanie. Okay we'll brush that one off too...
3. Someone told her I was talking about her behind her back. When I asked what I was quoted as saying the reply was that I had called her a bitch and said she was an idiot. I think I may have laughed at that. My response was that I said that to her all the time and I never meant it the way it sounds when you read it. We constantly call each other names. It started in Jr. High and managed to survive until now. She laughed too and agreed that that was kind of dumb.
4. And finally, she was upset that I had not gone to her house to see her new pool two weekends ago. We had been planning it all week, until Thursday night when I got the phone call about my cousin's wreck. I went home to see him and be there for the family. Despite her best efforts she couldn't be upset about that one either.
So we 'fixed' our friendship and everything was peachy.
Yesterday I got a phone call from a mutual friend who was upset with Liz's behavior when I wasn't around. Come to find out she is house hunting with some of her friends and wasn't planning on telling me. Did I mention we are also roommates? I wouldn't normally be that bothered by her moving out because she lives for the drama that it would cause if I cared but our landlord happens to be my father. Now I'm torn between anger and hurt. I'm mad that she would do this to my parents. I'm hurt that she thinks she has to hide it. For thirteen years we have been friends. By now she should know that I only get mad when someone messes with the people I care about.
It breaks my heart that my friend is pulling away from me so forcefully because I am not at her beck and call but I think our differences in responsibilities and the amount of turmoil I've been dealing with have finally gotten to me and I'm almost relieved I won't have to rephrase things so they aren't mean anymore. I won't have to clean up after her or keep my mouth shut when she doesn't wash her dog...maybe it will be okay. If not I'm taking applications for friends, she isn't being replaced but I've come to realize I need someone else I can talk to about important things since she seems to have lost interest in my well being.
xoxo
B
